He's going the Distance, He's going for...



Speed. I am so over the Olympics. I think that in 1998, when Russia's Ilia Kulik skated to Maurice Jarre's "Revolutions" and did that awesome angular lunge thing I was more than passively interested, and I will always take some time to see the equestrian events and to marvel at the African men who sprint as though they were born of the wind (as Allah commanded the wind to bring forth the (Arab) horse in the old story)-- whose strides recall Legolas' remark that in the endless grassy plains of the Rohirim, "light feet may run swiftly here"-- in the summer games. But there is too much weirdness and futility to illicit a non-satirical viewing response to these current winter games.
As for the ice skating, well, what can we say about it-- is it a sport? Does it require skill and strength? Yes. To be "good" does the skater have to be more than a robotic, technical performer? Yes, because really figure skating is just dancing, and dancing is as old as humanity and as close to our primeval hearts as anything can be-- which is why the skating is so fun to watch but so weird to have it be subject to scoring. And because it is subject to scoring most routines are just totally cheesy or contrived and not passionate at all, and so are a sort of counterfeit dance and are just annoying (like Michael Flatley-- technically great, but who gives a damn?). I would trade Todd Eldridge's stiff, geeky "Gettysburg"- themed routine, or even old flaming Rudy G. and his salsa any day for the guy in overalls, or the Japanese fellow who was a puppet(?) or something and skated to one of those meaningless medleys. What was that? I don't think they knew.
I don't think ice skating should be an Olympic sport though, because (ballroom dancing isn't) traditionally the Olympic sports showcase athletes who have achieved greatness at skills useful in life which are also amazing to watch. Achieving greatness at any truly challenging task is good for one's character I suppose, but it seems so tragically futile to lose one's life while hurling oneself though a tunnel of ice on a tiny plastic sled. I just can't see the greatness of that sport. It is not a means of conveyance, nor are the skills needed for it widely applicable, or even asthetically pleasing. Running, riding, swimming, throwing, fighting, and even skiing are things worthwhile to be accomplished at; you can use those things, and they can benefit others. But the only person I know of who made practical use out of extreme sledding skills was Willow, and he was fleeing from the evil hordes of Bavmorda; not an everyday occurance.
Finally though, the media's Olympics worship reached a new level of weirdness when the remark was made that there are "easily identifiable genetic markers" that differentiate Olympic athletes from the rest of us schlubs. Yes, there is a "I like to go dangerously fast" gene. And those who possess it have a "freakish tolerance of high speeds." They not only like to go fast, but they are biologically driven to put themselves in harm's way. And this is...admirable? The kid who lies down on the railroad tracks to let the train go over him or who does wheelies in the empty parking lot is a punk, but the punks who do snowboarding at the risk of life and limb (or brain injury) are superior, brave, genetically unique human beings. Yes, they are. Obviously, not everyone is physically capable of these sports. But to delineate the population in such a sterile way really diminishes the already marginal respect I might have for the people who make a living out of going fast, or who derive their life's meaning from it. And I feel sorry for the winners this year. Have you seen the medals? They look like the delivery man had some fun at the railroad tracks before he dropped them off.

Comments

  1. I think you've mistaken Maurice (film scoring composer extraordinaire) for his son Jean Michel (pioneer in electronic music).

    I've nothing to add to your olympic musings, as I haven't paid attention to an Olympic competition in many years. But going dangerously fast is marvelous fun, especially down snow covered slopes with long flat devices strapped to your feet. ;-)

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